|
THE MOONVENTION (LOONICON): (1953)
This was a one-shot by Ken Slater and Chuck Harris distributed at CORONCON,
the 1953 UK National SF Convention.
page 1: | |
|
Hey, Fan :
IT'S TYCHO'S FLOOR IN '54!
Yes, PROXYBOO SERVICES MONOPOLATED are sponsoring the convention that
you've always dreamed of. None other than Fandcm's Leading Expert and Critic -
Walter Alexander Willis Himself -- is organising
THE MOONVENTION!*
your favourite authors, artists, editors, and James White, Elron Hubbard,
and John Russell Fearn will all be in attendance.
THEY WILL ALL BE THERE, YOU MUST COME TOO.
DON'T DELAY
RUSH the enclosed forms to Walter A. Willis NOW!!!!
(*) Also known as the Looniecon.
ISBHEERISTHEONLYTRUEGHODBHEERISTHEONLYTRUEGHODBHEERISTHEONLYTRUEGHOD
MAKE A NOTE OF IT NOW!!!!
The Time
Over the weak-end of March 31- April 1 of 1954
The Place
"Ego's-on-the-brink", Tycho, Luna,
Transportation
See attached questioniaire - or contact Abnorm Wansboro who is arranging
to travel with a party. (NOTE: Special reduced rates will be offered to SLANT
subscribers.)
Cost
Information on this is not yet complete. Further details will be
published in subsequent bulletins. (NOTE: Preliminary guesstimates have put the cost
sky-high.)
REQUESTS FOR FURTHER INFORMATION SHOULD BE FORWARDED TO-
Walter A. Willis,
c/o PROXYBOO SERVICES MONOPOLATED
170 Upper Newtownards Road,
BELFAST, Northern Ireland.,
AND SHOULD BE MARKED "PERSONAL, FOR ATTENTION OF GOOD WALT",
ALL ENQUIRERS EXPECTING ANSWERS SHOULD ALSO FORWARD DOLLAR BILLS,
STERLING NOTES, PRINTING PRESSES, VARITYPERS, MISUSED COPIES OF
AMAZING STORIES, OR SUBSCRIPTIONS TO SLANT, ALL MAIL WILL BE
ANSWERED BY RETURN OF POST (if at all) IN PLAIN SEALED ENVELOPES.
WILLISISTHEONLYTRUEPHANWILLISISTHEONLYTRUEPHANWILLISISTHEONLYTRUEPHAN
|
|
| page 2: | |
|
THE MOONVENTION (LOONICON)
For the Use of Hopeful Supplicants
All humans, humanoids, robots, dreaming jewels, Rigellians, androids, mutants,
and other life forms desirous of attending the MOONVENTION (LOONICON) should
complete this form, and the attachments hereto, and forward it to PROXYBOO
SERVICES, MONOPOLATED, without delay.
Name of supplicant:
(Give number if a robot, etc) .....................................
Address:
(Or alternative method of contacting you).........................
(Other personal particulars should be given on the supplicants record card.)
- Why do you wish to attend the MOONVENTION?
- Have you ever had any desire to conquer the world?
- Have you any other desire?
- Do you think she will attend the MOONVENTION?
- What form of transport will you use to reach the CONSITE? (Mark with "X")
a) rocket
b) paragravity
c) antigravity
d) unclegravity
e) levitation
f) bootstraps
|
g) spacewarp
h) magnidrive
i) whistdrive
j) overdrive
k) overdraft
l) updraft
|
m) jet propulsion
n) hand propulsion
o) physical repulsion
p) psychokinetics
q) inflation
r) dianetics
|
- How much parking space will you require?
for vehicle.............. ) give answers in multimicromilligrams
for self....................) or square beetroots.
- What type of accomodation will you require (or desire)?
a) Room
b) Double Room
c) Room with bath
d) Room with blonde
e) More Room
f) Hole
g) Hole in the wall
h) Hole in the ground
|
i) Crater
j) Hole in the head
k) Cheese (for mites)
l) Wood (for termites)
m) Cell (for hermites)
n) Hangar (for blimps)
o) Refigerator
p) Incinerator
|
q) In Sin
r) Puddle (for l'il fish)
s) Pool (for middlin'fish)
t) Frying Pan (for meddlin fish)
u) Tanks (for memories)
v) cry much.
|
- What atmosphere do you breathe? Mark main components with percentages.
a) Essence of musty ol' books.
b) Eau de Gin.
c) Tobacco smoke.
d) chlorophyll.
|
d)
e)
f)
g)
|
) For
) strange
) smells.
|
- If male, human, between 17 and 70 years; and answer to 7) is not d) explain
why you breathe.
- Do you drink?
Yes What? ............
- To what do you owe your success?
- Which editor would you prefer to be seated next to ? (Mark 1st to 4th choice)
a) Bea Mahaffey
b) Bea Mahaffey
c) Bea Mahaffey
d) Bea Mahaffey
|
e) Ted Carnell
f) Bert Campbell
g) Peter Hamilton
h) Sam Mines
|
i) Walter A. Willis
j) Howard Browne
k) Anthony Boucher
l) Lester del Rey
|
Date........................ Signature or mark..............
|
|
| page 3: | |
|
THE MOONVENTION (LOONICON)
MEMBER'S RECORD CARD (FAIRLY CONFIDENTIAL)
- Name: (Amazing readers may use a pseudonym)..................................
- Address: (Please state ward or cubicle number) .........................
- Sex:
(Do NOT answer "Yes Please") Male . . . . . . Female. . . . . . . .
Neuter . . . . . Others . . . . . . . . . .
- Age:
At birth...................... Now........................... At Death.............
- Are you married:
Officially .................... Unofficially...................
Occasionally............... Never (not ever)................
- When were you borry/hatched/quarried,/constructed/fissioned/dropped off/machine made
- Why?
- Have you an April '43 ASF USA? (DO not prevaricate answer yes or no)............
- When will your house be empty?...............
- What do you find most attractive about Other Worlds ? (Please drool on separate
sheet.)
- Why do you think SLANT is the world's best fanzine ? (Sincere acolytes may answer
at length on separate sheets.)
- Have you ever been an active
Fascist .................. Communist
Sexologist ............. N3Fer ...............
- Have you ever said a harsh word about Willis? (great care should be taken in
answering this question. It has an unlucky number.) .....................
- Do you believe in Ghu? Foo-Foo? Or are you convinced that Bheer is the only
true ghod?
- Do you ever wonder why the hell you are wasting your time in fandom?
- Have you any other little secrets you wish to confide in us?
Date........................ Signature or mark..............
FOR OFFICE USE
|
ACTION
|
Date
|
Initials
|
1 Looks like a sucker, Sting him all we can.
|
. | . | . |
2 Female, Get a picture,
|
. | . | . |
3 Made harsh remarks About Willis.(Send husband/wife/mother/father an anonymous
letter, from File 13)
|
. | . | . |
4 Picture okay (see 2 above. Get 'phone number)
|
. | . | . |
5 Burn this one. He took it serious.
|
. | . | . |
|
|
| page 4: | |
|
THE MOONVENTION (LOONICON)
PROGRAMME/PROGRAM/PROGROM
THIRST DAY
10.00
|
Forrest J Ackerman repens the Convention.
|
10.01
|
Lew Mordecai opens the bar,
|
|
INTERVAL
|
11.00
|
Erle Korshak introduces the Names.
|
11.15
|
Committee members commence pouring oil on troubled Walters (and others)
sitting behind the front row,
|
11.30
|
GRAND TALENT SHOW
"Folk Tunes of Ould Erin" -- - a medley consisting of "Galway Bay",
"Did Your Mother Come From Ireland ?", "Macnamara's Band"', "The
Kerrie Boogie" and 'The Rose of Tralee"
Arranged and sung by James White.
"Cries of Old London" ---- organised by Chuck Harris.
"Cries of Shame" ----- disorganised by Manchester Fans.
|
12.00
|
SPACEWAYS NELL
"A girlie show with a sciencefictional theme"
CAST (in order of disappearance)
Nell..................................................... Eva May Firestone
The Admiral's Daughter....................... Gertrude M. Carr
High Cooklelorum BEM ..................... James White
Common or Garden bem .....................Howard Browne
Clean livin', red blooded hero ..............William F. Temple
Wilson Tucker .................................... Thaddeus T. Sweetbreath
Sweet Sue of South Carolina ...............Marion Z, Bradley
Arthur C, Clarke ................................ Ego
The All-Devouring Void ..................... Walter A. Willis
(The action takes place in an abandoned (censored) on Mars)
written and produced by Lee Hoffman.
|
13.00
|
LUNCH, GRUNCH, and General Melee
|
14.00
|
Nature Ramble:
Arthur C; Clarke, B.Sc., assisted by Herbert J. Campbell,
F.R,H,S, will conduct a party round the Clark Lunar
Estates. (Note: This is the same party as that accompanying
Abnorm Wansboro)
|
15.00
| Smoke-filled room, sin, gin, wenching, and general helling. (Aspirin,
alka-seltzer, raw eggs, Worcester sauce, and lots of room will be
available in the foyer.)
|
17.00
| FLYING SAUCERS IN FORMATION A flying dispiay by kind permission of
Raymond A. Palmer.
|
17.30
| In the "Earthview" Room; an Exhibition of Relics of Lost Atlantis, with
a Talk by Egerton Sykes.
In the Bar; an Address by L.Sprague de Camp, on "Incontravertible
Evidence of the Non-Existence of Atlantis"
|
18.00
| Fan-club Business Meetings; Persons not interested in fan-business may
conduct funny business in any nook or cranny
that is vacant.
|
19.30
| GRAND DINNER AND DANCE
|
|
|
| page 5: | |
|
PROGRAMME
PROGRAMME, Etc. Continued
SECOND-RATE DAY
01.01 hrs to 05.00 hrs.
| Fatigue party of teetotal fans, headed by Arthur C.
(Milkman) Clarke will retrieve full fans and empty
bottles and return those to correct locations.
|
05.01 hrs to 06.00hrs.
| Second survey of field of conflict; return of strayed
intoxicated fans to folds.
|
06.30
|
Breakfast for fatigue party. Fruit juice: cereal, ham, eggs, sausages,
toast, marmalade, coffee or tea.
|
07.30 until 10.30
| A shuttle service will operate at 15 minute intervals
between "Ego's-on-the-brink" and Loy's Landing, for
sightseeing tours. "Weird" fans should assemble at
the entrance to the breakfast hall, at 10,30, when
shocking sights may be seen .....
|
10.30
| Breakfast for fatigued party. Aspirin, aspirin with water, asprin with
lime juice, alka-seltzer.
|
11.00
| PUBLISHER'S PANEL
Representation of publishing houses will answer impertinent
questions from fans. The following have been invited
to attend:
Mr.J.J. (first in the field) Curle of Grayson & Grayson.
Mr. John Carnell (representing the Museum Press)
Mr, David A. Kyle (representing Bourgey & Curle)
Mr, E. J. Carnell (representing T.V. Boardman & Co.)
Mr, T.E. Dikty (representing Shasta Publishers)
Mr. Lloyd A .Eshback (will probably arrive behind schedule)
Mr. Ted Carnell (representing Nova Publications)
Mr. Rinehart (representing Wilson-in-the-Sea Tucker.)
Mr Walter A. Willis (representing Mr Walter A. Willis)
|
12.30
| LUNCH Will be served in the bar.
|
14.00
| AUCTION A Sale by auction of material contributed by publishers,
fans; etc. Items on hand include rare first editions of
the outstanding works of Vargo Statten.
A Sale by auction of Luna Real Estate, contributed by
the "Little Men's" etc.
Auctioneers: E. C. (Ted) Tubb of London.
Roy Squires of Science Fiction Advertiser.
|
15.30
| FILM SHOW (Programme not yet settled, but it is probable that
METROPOLIS will be shown)
|
17.30
| SELECTION OF 1955 CONSITE. Bids have already been received from Manchester,
Mars and Much-Binding-in-the-Marsh.
|
18,30
| RIOT SQUAD
|
19.30
| GRAND FINALE, tear,. farewells, etc,
|
20.30
| LAST FAREWELLS
|
21.30
| HASTY DEPARTURES
|
22.30
| BELATED DEPARTURES
|
(Note: This programme is subject to alteration, change, amendment, reversals or
complete and utter destruction, chaos, or muddle without warning, notice,
advice, or explanation, with or without the consent, consideration, agreement,
or decision of one or any members of the Convention Committee),
|
|
| page 6: | |
|
NOTES FOR THE MISGUIDANCE OF CONVENTIONEERS
CURRENCY
|
There are two forms of "LUNAcent", one issued by the Clarke Commission for
the Control of Lunatic Affairs, the other by the Elves, Gnomes' and Little
Men's Luna Real Estate Agency. Both forms are printed from engraved plates
on beer-marked paper. The engravings on the former are copied from the
work of Clothier, Quinn and Hunter. The EG&LM LREA have shown a preference
for the less formal work of Phillips (Ralph Rayburn), and Hannes Bok.
Neither form is recognised as legal currency by anyone, but the pictures
are awful pretty!
|
CUSTOMS (Native)
| Highly peculiar.
|
CUSTOMS (Imports)
| The following are prohibited imports: Empty bottles; vacuums;
uranium 238 or 235; cheesecake (other than personal requirements
of visitors, duly certified as such); The Hoerbiger Theory.
(Note: it is probable that the ban on the importation of vacuum
will be lifted when the present surplus has been used) .
|
CUSTOMS (Exports)
|
The following are prohibited exports: Full bottles; uraniun in
the form of bombs; cheeseca:ke (unused); Moon Pools, Moon Maidens,
and Moon pups; Bea Mahaffey (if imported, this commodity is so
scarce that it is considered unlikely an export permit will be
obtained).
|
BARTER:
|
In the absence of any legal currency, barter is the vogue. The following
items are recommended as useful commodities for this purpose; oxygen; gin;
Slant; hydrogin; early issues of Amazing Stories; drygin; feelthy pictures;
gin'n'tonic; nuts....
|
INTERESTING SIGHTS
|
There are many places of interest to visit, on the Moon. There
are many interesting sights to be seen, Don't miss 'em! A few things
no one should miss are: Dawn over Tycho; Walt Willis trying to get a
'43 April ASF; a British editor explaining that he doesn't really use
reprints; the Earth in all it's glory; Alan Hunter's beard ditto; the
list is endless.....
|
PARKING SPACE:
| There is plenty, don't worry,
|
BREATHING SPACE:
| Limited. Bring your own.
|
CLOTHING:
| You can wear anything you like. But don't hold us responsible.....
|
CENTRAL HEATING:
| Available at around 35/- a bottle, including tax.
|
whyisafanafanafanwhyisafanafanafanwhyisafanafanafanwhyisafanafanafanwhyisafanafanafanwhyisafanafanafan
This item results from a collusion between Chuck Harris and Ken Slater. No offence
really intended; all done in a spirit of good, mildly-clean, fun, All persons who
are mentioned herein are non-existant (if they feel that way) and places named are
unattainable (at present).
Signed apologies to any people who did not get mentioned will be offered, provided
pre-paid postage is supplied. We didn't really forget you, but there are limits
to what we can include.
supportthefanvetssupportthefanvetssupportthefanvetssupportthefanvetssupportthefanvetssupportthefanvetssupport
This ludicrous publication will be circulated thru FAPA and the toilet, and will
also be distributed at the LONDON CONVENTION, 1953. No payment will be expected,
but just offer us some money and see how we grab it. Illustrations are the work
of A.N.OTHER. Suggestions for the subsequent publication of a LUNACON REPORT
WILL be welcomed, and you are invited to contribute.
pardonusweareleavingpardonusweareleavingpardonusweareleavingpardonusweareleavingpardonusweareleaving
|
|
|
|
|