THE MOONVENTION (LOONICON): (1953)

This was a one-shot by Ken Slater and Chuck Harris distributed at CORONCON, the 1953 UK National SF Convention.

page 1:

Hey, Fan :

IT'S TYCHO'S FLOOR IN '54!

Yes, PROXYBOO SERVICES MONOPOLATED are sponsoring the convention that you've always dreamed of. None other than Fandcm's Leading Expert and Critic - Walter Alexander Willis Himself -- is organising

THE MOONVENTION!*

your favourite authors, artists, editors, and James White, Elron Hubbard, and John Russell Fearn will all be in attendance.
THEY WILL ALL BE THERE, YOU MUST COME TOO.

DON'T DELAY

RUSH the enclosed forms to Walter A. Willis NOW!!!!

(*) Also known as the Looniecon.

ISBHEERISTHEONLYTRUEGHODBHEERISTHEONLYTRUEGHODBHEERISTHEONLYTRUEGHOD

MAKE A NOTE OF IT NOW!!!!

The Time

Over the weak-end of March 31- April 1 of 1954

The Place

"Ego's-on-the-brink", Tycho, Luna,

Transportation

See attached questioniaire - or contact Abnorm Wansboro who is arranging to travel with a party.
(NOTE: Special reduced rates will be offered to SLANT subscribers.)

Cost

Information on this is not yet complete. Further details will be published in subsequent bulletins.
(NOTE: Preliminary guesstimates have put the cost sky-high.)

REQUESTS FOR FURTHER INFORMATION SHOULD BE FORWARDED TO-
Walter A. Willis,
c/o PROXYBOO SERVICES MONOPOLATED
170 Upper Newtownards Road,
BELFAST, Northern Ireland.,
AND SHOULD BE MARKED "PERSONAL, FOR ATTENTION OF GOOD WALT", ALL ENQUIRERS EXPECTING ANSWERS SHOULD ALSO FORWARD DOLLAR BILLS, STERLING NOTES, PRINTING PRESSES, VARITYPERS, MISUSED COPIES OF AMAZING STORIES, OR SUBSCRIPTIONS TO SLANT, ALL MAIL WILL BE ANSWERED BY RETURN OF POST (if at all) IN PLAIN SEALED ENVELOPES.

WILLISISTHEONLYTRUEPHANWILLISISTHEONLYTRUEPHANWILLISISTHEONLYTRUEPHAN

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THE MOONVENTION (LOONICON)

For the Use of Hopeful Supplicants

All humans, humanoids, robots, dreaming jewels, Rigellians, androids, mutants, and other life forms desirous of attending the MOONVENTION (LOONICON) should complete this form, and the attachments hereto, and forward it to PROXYBOO SERVICES, MONOPOLATED, without delay.

Name of supplicant:
(Give number if a robot, etc) .....................................

Address:
(Or alternative method of contacting you).........................

(Other personal particulars should be given on the supplicants record card.)

  1. Why do you wish to attend the MOONVENTION?
  2. Have you ever had any desire to conquer the world?
  3. Have you any other desire?
  4. Do you think she will attend the MOONVENTION?
  5. What form of transport will you use to reach the CONSITE? (Mark with "X")
    a) rocket
    b) paragravity
    c) antigravity
    d) unclegravity
    e) levitation
    f) bootstraps
    g) spacewarp
    h) magnidrive
    i) whistdrive
    j) overdrive
    k) overdraft
    l) updraft
    m) jet propulsion
    n) hand propulsion
    o) physical repulsion
    p) psychokinetics
    q) inflation
    r) dianetics

  6. How much parking space will you require?

    for vehicle.............. ) give answers in multimicromilligrams
    for self....................)or square beetroots.

  7. What type of accomodation will you require (or desire)?
    a) Room
    b) Double Room
    c) Room with bath
    d) Room with blonde
    e) More Room
    f) Hole
    g) Hole in the wall
    h) Hole in the ground
    i) Crater
    j) Hole in the head
    k) Cheese (for mites)
    l) Wood (for termites)
    m) Cell (for hermites)
    n) Hangar (for blimps)
    o) Refigerator
    p) Incinerator
    q) In Sin
    r) Puddle (for l'il fish)
    s) Pool (for middlin'fish)
    t) Frying Pan (for meddlin fish)
    u) Tanks (for memories)
    v) cry much.

  8. What atmosphere do you breathe? Mark main components with percentages.
    a) Essence of musty ol' books.
    b) Eau de Gin.
    c) Tobacco smoke.
    d) chlorophyll.
    d)
    e)
    f)
    g)
    ) For
    ) strange
    ) smells.

  9. If male, human, between 17 and 70 years; and answer to 7) is not d) explain why you breathe.
  10. Do you drink?YesWhat? ............

  11. To what do you owe your success?

  12. Which editor would you prefer to be seated next to ? (Mark 1st to 4th choice)
    a) Bea Mahaffey
    b) Bea Mahaffey
    c) Bea Mahaffey
    d) Bea Mahaffey
    e) Ted Carnell
    f) Bert Campbell
    g) Peter Hamilton
    h) Sam Mines
    i) Walter A. Willis
    j) Howard Browne
    k) Anthony Boucher
    l) Lester del Rey

Date........................Signature or mark..............

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THE MOONVENTION (LOONICON)

MEMBER'S RECORD CARD (FAIRLY CONFIDENTIAL)

  1. Name: (Amazing readers may use a pseudonym)..................................

  2. Address: (Please state ward or cubicle number) .........................

  3. Sex:(Do NOT answer "Yes Please") Male . . . . . . Female. . . . . . . .
    Neuter . . . . . Others . . . . . . . . . .

  4. Age:At birth...................... Now........................... At Death.............

  5. Are you married:Officially .................... Unofficially...................
    Occasionally............... Never (not ever)................

  6. When were you borry/hatched/quarried,/constructed/fissioned/dropped off/machine made

  7. Why?

  8. Have you an April '43 ASF USA? (DO not prevaricate answer yes or no)............

  9. When will your house be empty?...............

  10. What do you find most attractive about Other Worlds ? (Please drool on separate sheet.)

  11. Why do you think SLANT is the world's best fanzine ? (Sincere acolytes may answer at length on separate sheets.)

  12. Have you ever been an activeFascist .................. Communist
    Sexologist ............. N3Fer ...............

  13. Have you ever said a harsh word about Willis? (great care should be taken in answering this question. It has an unlucky number.) .....................

  14. Do you believe in Ghu? Foo-Foo? Or are you convinced that Bheer is the only true ghod?

  15. Do you ever wonder why the hell you are wasting your time in fandom?

  16. Have you any other little secrets you wish to confide in us?

Date........................Signature or mark..............

FOR OFFICE USE ACTION Date Initials
1 Looks like a sucker, Sting him all we can. ...
2 Female, Get a picture, ...
3 Made harsh remarks About Willis.(Send husband/wife/mother/father an anonymous
letter, from File 13)
...
4 Picture okay (see 2 above. Get 'phone number) ...
5 Burn this one. He took it serious. ...

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THE MOONVENTION (LOONICON)

PROGRAMME/PROGRAM/PROGROM
THIRST DAY

10.00 Forrest J Ackerman repens the Convention.
10.01 Lew Mordecai opens the bar,
INTERVAL
11.00 Erle Korshak introduces the Names.
11.15 Committee members commence pouring oil on troubled Walters (and others) sitting behind the front row,
11.30 GRAND TALENT SHOW
"Folk Tunes of Ould Erin" -- - a medley consisting of "Galway Bay", "Did Your Mother Come From Ireland ?", "Macnamara's Band"', "The Kerrie Boogie" and 'The Rose of Tralee"
Arranged and sung by James White.

"Cries of Old London" ---- organised by Chuck Harris.
"Cries of Shame" ----- disorganised by Manchester Fans.

12.00 SPACEWAYS NELL
"A girlie show with a sciencefictional theme"

CAST (in order of disappearance)

Nell..................................................... Eva May Firestone
The Admiral's Daughter....................... Gertrude M. Carr
High Cooklelorum BEM ..................... James White
Common or Garden bem .....................Howard Browne
Clean livin', red blooded hero ..............William F. Temple
Wilson Tucker .................................... Thaddeus T. Sweetbreath
Sweet Sue of South Carolina ...............Marion Z, Bradley
Arthur C, Clarke ................................ Ego
The All-Devouring Void ..................... Walter A. Willis
(The action takes place in an abandoned (censored) on Mars)

written and produced by Lee Hoffman.

13.00 LUNCH, GRUNCH, and General Melee
14.00 Nature Ramble:
Arthur C; Clarke, B.Sc., assisted by Herbert J. Campbell, F.R,H,S, will conduct a party round the Clark Lunar Estates. (Note: This is the same party as that accompanying Abnorm Wansboro)
15.00 Smoke-filled room, sin, gin, wenching, and general helling. (Aspirin, alka-seltzer, raw eggs, Worcester sauce, and lots of room will be available in the foyer.)
17.00 FLYING SAUCERS IN FORMATION A flying dispiay by kind permission of Raymond A. Palmer.
17.30 In the "Earthview" Room;
an Exhibition of Relics of Lost Atlantis, with a Talk by Egerton Sykes.
In the Bar;
an Address by L.Sprague de Camp, on "Incontravertible Evidence of the Non-Existence of Atlantis"
18.00 Fan-club Business Meetings; Persons not interested in fan-business may conduct funny business in any nook or cranny that is vacant.
19.30 GRAND DINNER AND DANCE

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PROGRAMME

PROGRAMME, Etc. Continued

SECOND-RATE DAY

01.01 hrs to 05.00 hrs. Fatigue party of teetotal fans, headed by Arthur C. (Milkman) Clarke will retrieve full fans and empty bottles and return those to correct locations.
05.01 hrs to 06.00hrs. Second survey of field of conflict; return of strayed intoxicated fans to folds.
06.30 Breakfast for fatigue party. Fruit juice: cereal, ham, eggs, sausages, toast, marmalade, coffee or tea.
07.30 until 10.30 A shuttle service will operate at 15 minute intervals between "Ego's-on-the-brink" and Loy's Landing, for sightseeing tours. "Weird" fans should assemble at the entrance to the breakfast hall, at 10,30, when shocking sights may be seen .....
10.30 Breakfast for fatigued party. Aspirin, aspirin with water, asprin with lime juice, alka-seltzer.
11.00 PUBLISHER'S PANEL
Representation of publishing houses will answer impertinent questions from fans. The following have been invited to attend:

Mr.J.J. (first in the field) Curle of Grayson & Grayson.
Mr. John Carnell (representing the Museum Press)
Mr, David A. Kyle (representing Bourgey & Curle)
Mr, E. J. Carnell (representing T.V. Boardman & Co.)
Mr, T.E. Dikty (representing Shasta Publishers)
Mr. Lloyd A .Eshback (will probably arrive behind schedule)
Mr. Ted Carnell (representing Nova Publications)
Mr. Rinehart (representing Wilson-in-the-Sea Tucker.)
Mr Walter A. Willis (representing Mr Walter A. Willis)

12.30 LUNCH
Will be served in the bar.
14.00 AUCTION
A Sale by auction of material contributed by publishers, fans; etc. Items on hand include rare first editions of the outstanding works of Vargo Statten. A Sale by auction of Luna Real Estate, contributed by the "Little Men's" etc. Auctioneers: E. C. (Ted) Tubb of London. Roy Squires of Science Fiction Advertiser.
15.30 FILM SHOW
(Programme not yet settled, but it is probable that METROPOLIS will be shown)
17.30 SELECTION OF 1955 CONSITE.
Bids have already been received from Manchester, Mars and Much-Binding-in-the-Marsh.
18,30 RIOT SQUAD
19.30 GRAND FINALE, tear,. farewells, etc,
20.30 LAST FAREWELLS
21.30 HASTY DEPARTURES
22.30 BELATED DEPARTURES

(Note: This programme is subject to alteration, change, amendment, reversals or complete and utter destruction, chaos, or muddle without warning, notice, advice, or explanation, with or without the consent, consideration, agreement, or decision of one or any members of the Convention Committee),

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NOTES FOR THE MISGUIDANCE OF CONVENTIONEERS

CURRENCY There are two forms of "LUNAcent", one issued by the Clarke Commission for the Control of Lunatic Affairs, the other by the Elves, Gnomes' and Little Men's Luna Real Estate Agency. Both forms are printed from engraved plates on beer-marked paper. The engravings on the former are copied from the work of Clothier, Quinn and Hunter. The EG&LM LREA have shown a preference for the less formal work of Phillips (Ralph Rayburn), and Hannes Bok. Neither form is recognised as legal currency by anyone, but the pictures are awful pretty!
CUSTOMS (Native) Highly peculiar.
CUSTOMS (Imports) The following are prohibited imports: Empty bottles; vacuums; uranium 238 or 235; cheesecake (other than personal requirements of visitors, duly certified as such); The Hoerbiger Theory. (Note: it is probable that the ban on the importation of vacuum will be lifted when the present surplus has been used) .
CUSTOMS (Exports) The following are prohibited exports: Full bottles; uraniun in the form of bombs; cheeseca:ke (unused); Moon Pools, Moon Maidens, and Moon pups; Bea Mahaffey (if imported, this commodity is so scarce that it is considered unlikely an export permit will be obtained).
BARTER: In the absence of any legal currency, barter is the vogue. The following items are recommended as useful commodities for this purpose; oxygen; gin; Slant; hydrogin; early issues of Amazing Stories; drygin; feelthy pictures; gin'n'tonic; nuts....
INTERESTING SIGHTS There are many places of interest to visit, on the Moon. There are many interesting sights to be seen, Don't miss 'em! A few things no one should miss are: Dawn over Tycho; Walt Willis trying to get a '43 April ASF; a British editor explaining that he doesn't really use reprints; the Earth in all it's glory; Alan Hunter's beard ditto; the list is endless.....
PARKING SPACE: There is plenty, don't worry,
BREATHING SPACE: Limited. Bring your own.
CLOTHING: You can wear anything you like. But don't hold us responsible.....
CENTRAL HEATING: Available at around 35/- a bottle, including tax.

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This item results from a collusion between Chuck Harris and Ken Slater. No offence really intended; all done in a spirit of good, mildly-clean, fun, All persons who are mentioned herein are non-existant (if they feel that way) and places named are unattainable (at present).

Signed apologies to any people who did not get mentioned will be offered, provided pre-paid postage is supplied. We didn't really forget you, but there are limits to what we can include.

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This ludicrous publication will be circulated thru FAPA and the toilet, and will also be distributed at the LONDON CONVENTION, 1953. No payment will be expected, but just offer us some money and see how we grab it. Illustrations are the work of A.N.OTHER. Suggestions for the subsequent publication of a LUNACON REPORT WILL be welcomed, and you are invited to contribute.

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